The Year of Changes and Uncertainties - 2020 In Review
2020 was a year of change and uncertainties for many of us. Together, we were learning how to deal with something that none of us had gone through before.
For many of us, this past year was a very challenging one, not only because of the pandemic itself, but because of the uncertainties and trouble that come along side it.
For myself, 2020 was a year of changes, some for the better and some for the worst. It was a year of self reflection and confusion.
Like many others, I experienced a year that changed me.
The Year of Weight Gain
Throughout 2020 I experienced binge eating and stress eating. I was not taking care of myself like I should have been. A big part of this was working from home. This big change limited my outings, and motivation to go for a walk or even exercise. Instead I sat at home working or trying to work and snacking all the time or eating large portions for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
I went from 120lbs to 161lbs in just over a year. My body could not handle this kind of change. From constant sitting, my muscles were becoming sore and because of such a big weight gain my body started to get covered in stretch marks.
This past year was the year of weight gain, something that I honestly think would not happen but did and it is a hard pill to swallow. It happens to the best of us and how we deal with it will make or break us.
As 2020 came to an end I knew I had to do something, a change, to get my health back on track. My goal is to eat healthier, exercise daily and ultimately be more mindful of how I am feeling and how I deal with that feeling to minimize my stress eating.
The Year of Handwashing
This was a difficult year for my OCD. At the beginning of the pandemic, early in the year, it was very hard to know when it was appropriate to wash my hands and to not.
Throughout therapy we are told to not wash our hands for many things, to take those negative thoughts and actions and replace them with something else. For example, I feel the need to wash my hands, I simply don't do it and instead I go write my thoughts down and write how those thoughts made me feel. With the pandemic however, it felt that those urges and thoughts I had about handwashing were becoming more and more valid, which was extremely confusing.
Now my handwashing OCD was in large part caused by thoughts of spreading germs, disease, getting people sick, getting myself sick, being dirty, feeling not clean and being disgusting and mean. With the pandemic, it just made those thoughts more loud.
Like many others, I wash my hands more often, to stay safe, but knowing when it is the appropriate time to hand wash and when it is not is of optimal importance. This is what I learned this year.
This year, was the year of handwashing and how to deal with it. As the year went on I was getting better at differentiating those thoughts of I need to wash my hands because they are dirty or because I went shopping against thoughts like I need to wash my hands because I am a terrible person.
The Year of Content Creation
Being at home, AKA working from home I felt that I had more time to explore creative outlets. This was in large part due to keeping my mind at ease, keeping my thoughts at bay and ultimately just giving myself something to do that I love to do, during quarantine.
During this difficult year I found what I love to do, which is connect with people, share my story and create content that I am proud of.
As the year came to an end I made a promise to myself that I would write more, post more and use this outlet as a brain dump to help with all the changes and uncertainties happening in the world. The best part is, if I get stressed or start to feel indifferent about my creative outlet I can always stop or switch to something else, it's not permanent.
The Year of Enough is Enough
The most important takeaway from 2020 was feeling like I needed to change my life for the better, that enough was enough, I wanted to feel good in my own body and mind.
I want to do things that make me happy, stronger, more vibrant and creative. I want to exercise more, read more, write more and post more.
Enough is enough, no more feeling sorry for myself, choices were made and I have to learn how to accept them and move on. What is important now is that I have control over my life and can choose what I want to do with it, who I want to become.
Let's make 2021 the year of self growth, self love, self care and acceptance.